Seven Weeks Into Slimming World

My birthday was this week – April 13 to be exact. I went into this week not expecting to lose anything because I wanted to enjoy my birthday, and enjoy my birthday cupcakes, which I did so that is all that matters so I’m more than happy to have maintained this week.

Maintained

Wednesday 12 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - macaroni cheese with carrots and salad (lettuce & cucumber)
• Snacks - beef hula hoop pufts
• Healthy Extra A - 1/2 tub Kerry Low Low mature cheddar cheese spread
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 4.5 = balsamic vinaigrette 2tbsps 1 syn, beef hula hoop pufts 3.5 syns

Thursday 13 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - 2 hi-fi light bars
• Dinner - mozzarella sticks, amatriciana and rosemary focaccia and 2 cocktails 
• Snacks - beef hula hoop pufts
• Healthy Extra A - n/a
• Healthy Extra B - 2 hi-fi light bars: choca mocha, and dark choc mint
• Total Syns ? = beef hula hoop pufts 3.5 syns, mozzarella sticks, rosemary focaccia, amatriciana, 2 cocktails 

Friday 14 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - coffee & salted caramel cupcake
• Dinner - sticky chicken, homemade sweet potato fries and salad (lettuce & cucumber)
• Snacks - 2 hi-fi light bars
• Healthy Extra A - n/a
• Healthy Extra B - 2 hi-fi light bars: choca mocha and dark choc mint
• Total Syns 20.5 = sticky chicken 3 syns, coffee & salted caramel cupcake 17.5 syns

Saturday 15 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - pizza wrap (homemade tomato soup reduced to make sauce, bbq chicken, bacon, red pepper & red onion) with homemade sweet potato fries and salad (lettuce & cucumber)
• Snacks - salt & vinegar Snack a Jacks, aldi chicken, coffee & salted caramel cupcake
• Healthy Extra A - 50g grated mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B - 1 BFree wrap
• Total Syns 22 = salt & vinegar Snack a Jacks 4.5 syns, coffee & salted caramel cupcake 17.5 syns

Sunday 16 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - n/a
• Dinner - n/a
• Snacks - n/a
• Healthy Extra A - n/a
• Healthy Extra B - n/a
• Total Syns 0 = n/a

I woke up feeling fine on Sunday but when I went to get some soup for my lunch I started feeling really sick so ended up not having anything to eat. I never even got to have one of the Malteser bunny's that I got for Easter.

Monday 17 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - quesadilla (BFree wrap, cajun-spiced chicken, bacon medallions, mozzarella & coriander) and patatas bravas
• Snacks - coffee & salted caramel cupcake 17.5 syns
• Healthy Extra A - 50g grated mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B - 1 BFree wrap
• Total Syns 17.5 = coffee & salted caramel cupcake 17.5 syns

Tuesday 18 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - penne arrabbiata
• Snacks - coffee & salted caramel cupcake
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 25.5 = Malteser bunny 8 syns, coffee & salted caramel cupcake 17.5 syns

There are no more birthday cupcakes left so I should be back on track as far as staying within the 15 syn daily allowance is concerned. I've only got one thing planned for the next week: coffee and a catch-up with my family who are over from Switzerland for the week so I'm hoping for a good on-plan week but we'll have to wait and see!

Until Next Time,

AJx

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A Letter to Those I've Pushed Away

I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry I stopped communicating with you. I’m sorry that I’ve let you down. We used to be so close. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.

Whenever something happens to me I retreat into myself. At a time when what I need more than ever is support and friendship and people to talk to, help make sense of things or to take my mind off of things I shut down. Instead of reaching out, I stop going out. I stop talking and messaging people. I stop sharing my thoughts and feelings. I just stop. It’s easier for me to deal this way even though it’s not dealing at all. It’s running. It’s hiding. It’s avoiding.

I’ve done this so much over the last 3 years. I’ve done it through fear of being judged. I’ve done it through fear of being a burden. I’ve done it through fear of being misunderstood and rejected. Deep down I know you don’t think any of these things, you just want to know and learn and try to understand what I’m going through. You’re just happy that I’m here.

I want to get better. I don’t want to just be a shell of a person. I want to be able to share thoughts and feelings and laugh over nothing instead of overanalysing every single little thing that is said or done. I want to be able to stop pushing away the people that I’m closest to and who mean the most to me.

This is just another thing that my illness has taken away from me.

The first steps are putting this out there, apologising to those I’ve pushed away and isolated myself from, trying to explain why I’ve done what I’ve done despite not wanting to do it or not even truly noticing that I’m doing it until I feel like it’s too late to go back.

This is me trying.

AJx

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Week Six At Slimming World

I was back on plan this week and managed to do damage limitation from being off-plan last week. So much so that I actually managed to go and lose weight which I definitely wasn't expecting! I went over my syn allowance a couple of days but in order to limit the damage I used flexible syns the rest of the week so overall, I stayed under my total syn allowance for the week. 

1.5lbs lost 🎉

Wednesday 5 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery) and leftover Chinese
• Dinner - chorizo, rocket and lemon linguine
• Snacks - Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps, chopped strawberries
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 27.5 = 40g chopped and skinned chorizo 4 syns, Walkers Prawn Cocktail crisps 8.5 syns, leftover Chinese (Sweet & Sour Chinese) 15 syns

Wednesday was my first time trying rocket. Sadly I won't be having it again because I got my first taste of what a partial blockage feels like and oh boy it wasn't fun! My stoma was extremely unhappy that night. I'll still be having the chorizo, rocket and lemon linguine again though, just without the rocket because it's a delicous dish and a favourite of my mum and dad's. I plan on posting the recipe on my blog for anyone else who wants to try it. It's super and simple and only has 4 ingredients so be sure to keep an eye out for it.

Thursday 6 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - cajun chicken and pepper skewers with seasoned wedges, yogurt & chive dip and carrots
• Snacks - Kit Kat, M&S cheese pufts
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 2 hi-fi light bars, choca mocha & dark mint chocolate
• Total Syns 10.5 = Kit Kat 5.5 syns, M&S Cheese Pufts 5 syns

Friday 7 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - special prawn fried rice (rice, egg, onion, king prawns, petit pois, soy sauce & oyster sauce)
• Snacks - orange & lotus flower green tea, Kit Kat
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 5.5 = Kit Kat 5.5 syns

Saturday 8 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery
• Dinner - pizza wrap (tesco bbq chicken & bacon medallions) and salad (lettuce & cucumber) with Caeser salad dressing
• Snacks - lemon half-moon cake
• Healthy Extra A - 50g grated mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B - 1 BFree wrap
• Total Syns 9.5 = Tesco healthy living Caesar salad dresing 2tbsps 1 syn, slice of lemon half-moon 8.5 syns

Sunday 9 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - 2 x skinni sweet chilli burger with homemade potato fres, carrots and salad (lettuce & cucumber)
• Snacks - orange & lotus flower green tea, lemon half-moon cake
• Healthy Extra A - 50g grated mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 9.5 = balsamic vinaigrette 2tbsps 1 syn, slice of lemon half-moon cake 8.5 syns

Sunday was my first time trying sweet potato since getting my stoma and was rather nervous because they are more fibrous than normal potatoes. I was so desperate for my stoma to be okay with sweet potato because it's one of my favourite foods and luckily Archie was absolutely fine with it so I can eat all the sweet potato I want - just as long as I remember to chew properly which I've found is the key to being able to eat fibrous foods. 

Monday 10 April:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - chicken parmiagiano (homemade tomato soup reduced to make tomato sauce for the topping) with homemade chips, carrots and salad (lettuce & cucumber)
• Snacks - heef hula hopp pufts, lilt zero, orange & lotus flower green tea
• Healthy Extra A - 50g grated mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 6.5 = balsamic vinaigrette 2tbsps 1 syn, breadcrumbers 2 syns, beef hula hoop pufts 3.5 syns

Tuesday 11 April:

• Breakfast -  n/a
• Lunch - french toast with Sweet Freedom fruit syrup
• Dinner - spaghetti carbonara
• Snacks - beef hula hoop pufts, pukka 3 mint tea
• Healthy Extra A - 250ml semi-skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 7 = Sweet Freedom fruit syrup 1tbsp 0.5 syns, Schwartz carbonara recipe mix 1 sachet between three 3 syns per portion, beef hula hoop pufts 3.5 syns

Next week is my birthday week so I'm not sure how it's going to go. I'm going to try and stick to plan as much as possible but I'm still going to enjoy myself - my mum is making me coffee flavoured cupcakes with coffee flavoured icing and a salted caramel centre as my 'birthday cake'. I can't wait because I had them last year and they were delicious! We're also going out for a meal on my birthday which we do every year and I'll definitely be indulging in a cocktail or two - it would be rude not too! I'm not entirely sure if I'll lose any weight next week but I don't mind because at least I enjoyed myself and know that I can always pull it back the week after.

Until Next Time,

AJx 

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Fifth Week Back At Slimming World

This week was a bit of a nonstarter as far as sticking to the Slimming World plan was concerned. I had family come to visit and although the meal was completely Slimming World friendly, the prosecco, gin, cocktails and chocolate cake definitely weren’t!

 As I mentioned at the end of my last Slimming World post I had 3 tests this week. The eye test was fine – I still have 20/20 vision so it’s not my eyes that are causing the headaches and I’m still waiting to hear back from my Consultant as to what we’re going to do next. The abdominal ultrasound and scope were a bit different. I had to fast for 6 hours before my ultrasound so I hadn’t eaten much up until 4pm so when I could finally eat again I grabbed for the sugary junk food instead of healthier, speed-filled food. I’m still waiting to hear from my IBD nurse specialist about the results. As for the scope, although it wasn’t as bad as the previous scopes I’ve had the sedation I got definitely knocked me sideways. I’d forgotten how sluggish and blah it makes you feel so that night we ended up ordering Chinese for dinner because it was all that I felt like eating. The scope and sedation took place on Tuesday 4^th April so we decided to take a holiday from Slimming World this week.

I plan on getting back on track next week to try and rectify any damage I may have done to my weight loss this week so fingers crossed!

Until Next Time,

AJx

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Slimming World, One Month In

Four weeks in and I've lost 11lbs - only 3 more to go and that'll be 1 stone lighter! This week was, well, awful. I said at the end of last week’s Slimming World post that my goal was to not go over my syn allowance each day this week; in a way, I succeeded as some days I didn’t have the minimum syn allowance. My Colitis and stoma were still playing up this week and I’ve had a tight chest and sore throat and all of these things combined made me not want to eat, so I didn’t. I knew there would be weeks like this when I joined. It was such a shock when I stepped on the scales and had actually lost weight! I couldn't believe it, I definitely didn't deserve to lose anything. 

2 lbs lost 🎉

Wednesday 22 March:

• Breakfast - lean bacon medallions, free range scrambled egg x 2, spaghetti hoops with tomato sauce, melon and, blackberries
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - cajun chicken pasta with carrots, lettuce and, cucumber
• Snacks - Douwe Egberts Smooth Caramel coffee, Kit Kat
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 6.5 = balsamic vinaigrette 1tbsp 0.5 syns, ALdi chip seasoning 1tsp 0.5 syns, Kit Kat 5.5 syns

Thursday 23 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - skinni sweet chilli burger with homemade chips, carrots, lettuce and cucumber 
• Snacks - strawberries with Sweet Freedom choc shot
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 2.5 - 1tsp choc shot 0.5 syns, aldi tomato ketchup 2tbsp 1 syn, aldi chip seasoning 1tsp 1 syn

Friday 24 March:

• Breakfast - 3 slices wholemeal toast with marmite
• Lunch - 2 free range scrambled eggs & lean bacon medallions
• Dinner - macaroni cheese
• Snacks - hot water, honey & lemon
• Healthy Extra A - 1/2 tub Kerry Low Low mature cheddar cheese spread
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 2 = honey 2 syns

Saturday 25 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery
• Dinner - Iceland Slimming World Paella with peas and mushrooms removed
• Snacks - Burton's Pickled Onion Fish n Chips, melon, hot water, honey & lemon
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 8 = Burton's Pickled Onion Fish n Chips 6 syns, honey 2 syns

Sunday 26 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - chicken korma with rice
• Snacks - blackberries, hot water, honey & lemon, orange & lotus flower green tea
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 2 = honey 2 syns

Monday 27 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - scampi, homemade chips and carrots
• Snacks - blackberries, melon
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 9 = chip seasoning 2tsp 1 syn, Aldi ketchup 2tbsp 1 syn, scampi 1/2 bag 7 syns

Tuesday 28 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - beef ragu with rigatoni
• Snacks - Burton's Pickled Onion Fish n Chips
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 14 = Malteser bunny 8 syns, Oreo thins x 4 6 syns

I'm hoping that this week my chest and throat will sort themselves out but I'm not overly hopeful because my dose of Azathioprine has been upped and I've found that I pretty much have some kind of throat/chest problem when on it but I'm hoping that the increase in my dosage will start to get my Colitis back under control - fingers crossed! I'm not setting myself any targets this week, I knew that going back to Slimming World wasn't going to be as easy as last time now that I've got a stoma. I think that the increase in the amount of fruit & veg that I'm eating is what has caused it to play up but hopefully it'll start to get used to the change in my diet over time. Until then, I just have to persevere and try to deal with the increase in output and frequent changes in consistency. 

I've got a rather busy week this week. I've got an eye test on Saturday (I've got continuous headaches and we need to rule out possible eye problems before we resort to brain scans), an abdominal ultrasound on Monday afternoon to have a look at my liver because my Gamma GT levels have been raised for quite a few months now and I've got a Sigmoidoscopy on Tuesday afternoon to have a look at my remaining rectal stump to see how bad the inflammation is and take some biopsies to find whether it is indeed the Ulcerative Colitis back again or if it's diversion proctitis. 

Until next time,

AJx

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What's It Like To Not Poo Out Your Bum Anymore?

Recently I was asked a rather personal question: “What is it like to not poo out of your bum anymore?”.

Although I was taken aback at first, as I thought about how to answer I realised that it’s probably a question that must be something that people without a stoma wonder about. After all, that's where part of the stigma over having a stoma comes from: your body no longer functions the same way everyone else's does. Their inability to understand is why questions like this should be asked and answered. I’d never really thought about it until then so I thought I’d post my answer for anyone else wondering about it.

Straight after my operation, it was extremely weird to try and wrap my head around. So much so, that at first I just used to sit on the toilet and do nothing. It was weird because for 2 years I’d spent the majority of my day on the toilet and now I had all these extra hours in the day that I didn’t know what to do with. It took me a good few weeks, I’d say probably about 6, to get over this. Now it's just second nature to go to the toilet and empty my bag in a couple of minutes then get on with my day. 

It’s nice to not be tied to the toilet nearly as much as I used to be, figuratively speaking that is. It’s nice to not have to worry about where the nearest toilet is every time that I step outside of my front door. To not have to plan my days around whether or not the place I’m going has ample facilities or how much I’m going to have to apologise and worry about what I’m going to have to say to whoever I’m with for fear that they might not fully understand what I’m telling them. 

This was the case for about 3 months at least. It’s slightly different now because my Colitis has flared back up again in the remaining rectal stump which has brought back the blood and pain I'd hoped to be free of for longer than those 3 months between September and December. However, this post isn't about my colitis flaring back up, it's about providing an answer to a question I was asked and honestly, it's not weird at all. I no longer give it a second thought because I know that if I hadn't had the surgery, my colon would have perforated and I may not be here today. 

I hope this has helped anyone wondering what it's like to no longer use your bum for its intended purpose. If there are any questions feel free to leave them in the comments section below or send me a message.

Until next time,

AJx

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My Third Week At Slimming World

This week definitely wasn’t as good as the last 2 weeks. I haven’t been feeling too good this last week, both mentally and physically, so I didn’t eat as well as I probably could have but I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m just going to leave it the past and focus on doing much better next week. Despite all of this I still managed to lose weight – I cannot believe it!

1 lb lost 🎉

Wednesday 15 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery) and blackberries
• Dinner - heck sausages, homemade chips, spaghetti hoops with tomato sauce, lettuce, cucumber and carrot
• Snacks - pink lady apple x 2, melon, Oreo thin, hot chocolate
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 2 slices Hovis Wholemeal bread
• Total Syns 6 = balsamic vinaigrette 1tbsp 0.5 syns, Oreo thin 1.5 syns, hot chocolate 2 syns, heck chicken italia sausages x 4 2 syns

Thursday 16 March:

• Breakfast - n/a 
• Lunch - homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner - steak au poivre with boiled new potatoes, carrots and green beans
• Snacks - pink lady apple x 2, hot chocolate, beef hula hoops pufts, 
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 5.5 = hot chocolate 2 syns, beef hula hoops pufts 3.5 syns

Friday 17 March:

• Breakfast – n/a
• Lunch – homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner – n/a
• Snacks – beef hula hoops pufts, Malteser bunny, Starbucks iced hibiscus teavana tea, hot chocolate
• Healthy Extra A - 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B - 3 slices Kingsmill Wholeeall No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 15+ = beef hula hoops pufts 3.5 syns, Malteser bunny 8 syns, toasted pancake with butter ? syns, hot chocolate 2 syns

Friday wasn’t such a good day. I didn’t feel well when I got home from seeing Beauty & the Beast at the cinema so went straight to bed and slept for over 12 hours hence having no dinner.

Saturday 18 March:

• Breakfast – n/a
• Lunch – tandoori chicken toastie
• Dinner – sticky chicken with lettuce and cucumber
• Snacks – pink lady apple, Kit Kat x 2
• Healthy Extra A – 50g mozzarella
• Healthy Extra B – 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 14.5 = Kit Kat x 2 11 syns, beef hula hoops pufts 3.5 syns

I still wasn’t feeling too good on Saturday so once again I didn’t have much to eat.

Sunday 19 March:

• Breakfast – n/a
• Lunch – homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner – roast chicken, roasted rosemary potatoes, carrots, green beans, Yorkshire puddings x 2, gravy
• Snacks – hot chocolate, melon, Kit Kat, pom bears, toast with marmite and blackberries
• Healthy Extra A – 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B – 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 17.5 = hot chocolate 2 syns, Yorkshire pudding x 2 4 syns, bisto gravy 2 syns, Kit Kat 5.5 syns, pom bears 4 syns

My stoma wasn’t very happy on Sunday so I found myself eating ready salted crisps at 11 0’clock at night as they seem to be the only quick fix in making my output thicker which allowed me to get to sleep easier without panicking that my bag was going to burst in the middle of the night – it seemed to work.

Monday 20 March:

• Breakfast - n/a
• Lunch – homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner – prawn bites with homemade chips, carrot, lettuce and cucumber
• Snacks – blackberries, orange & lotus flower green tea, 3 mint tea
• Healthy Extra A – 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B – 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 7 = prawn bites 4 syns, sweet chilli dipping sauce 3 syns

Tuesday 21 March:

• Breakfast – n/a
• Lunch – homemade tomato soup (chopped tomatoes, carrot, onion & celery)
• Dinner – Cottage pie
• Snacks – beef hula hoops pufts, Malteser bunny, blackberries, melon, orange & lotus flower green tea
• Healthy Extra A – 350ml skimmed milk
• Healthy Extra B – 3 slices Kingsmill Wholemeal No Crusts bread
• Total Syns 11.5 = beef hula hoops pufts 3.5 syns, Malteser bunny 8 syns

I do hope that I have a better week this week. I don’t have as much planned apart from hopefully getting my hair chopped and my roots sorted out on Friday – I am SO excited! Hopefully my stoma behaves more this week and I don’t feel as awful as I did last week. My one and only aim for the week ahead is to not go over my syn allowance so wish me luck!

Until next time,

AJx

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